Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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