I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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