People with herpes should wear stickers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
