Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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