sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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