i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
