I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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