thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
