I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
