I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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