Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
