when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
