college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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