His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
