please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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