The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
