I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
