we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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