she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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