I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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