You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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