Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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