So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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