just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
