I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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