I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
