i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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