this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
