never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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