Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
