I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
