Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
