So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
