words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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