So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
