Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
