I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
