community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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