Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
