Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
