it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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