after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
