eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize