I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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