9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
