When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You're earring is so big in my mouth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
