sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
