Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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