508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
