I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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