i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
