thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
