i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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