Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
