I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
